Is it just me, or is our new colleague really annoying?

A blogpost I wish someone had sent me a decade ago.

First impressions last forever? Luckily, this is not completely true. We've all been guilty of prematurely assessing a new coworker as crap. Giving a new guy the benefit of your doubt proved a worthy choice on many occasions.

But after my fair number of years at a digital agency, there is one prime takeaway on the subject of annoying colleagues: pouring hopeful understanding into certain unworthy people is a sunk cost fallacy.

Here are a few common types I was unfortunate enough to have come across, ranked from easily spottable to those that might take months to detect. Telltales that indicate you’ve just stumbled upon a shitty coworker come in various forms, and none are good for you.

The silencer

I might not be the funniest guy in the world. Hell, maybe I am not funny or interesting at all. But if a week goes by and the person across the desk doesn’t utter a word unless spoken to, something’s amiss. I genuinely tried - offered help, blurted out an insider joke or two. Asked about the family, how the weekend was, how the onboarding was going. Each time I got a few syllables out, but that was it. Afterwards, tomblike silence.

Make no mistake: I understand the need for peace and quiet, and it’s absolutely ok to be the clammed up type. If I’ve ever annoyed you with my chattiness, that's ok too. I appreciate both subtle hints and open objections and will adjust accordingly.

But somehow, things have never worked out for the extra silent Bobs in my life. In a matter of months or sometimes even weeks they would usually leave the company “because they didn’t seem to fit in”. No shit.

The fidgeter

Brews himself a cup of coffee. Sits down. Adjusts the chair. Gets up and adjusts the curtains. Sits down again. Adjusts the chair some more. Gets up and sharpens a pencil. Sits down. Says something that was supposed to be funny. Picks up the phone and calls someone. Gets up and fetches a glass of water. Adjusts the chair. Connects the phone to a charger. Leaves the room and comes back, leaves the room again. Comes back for the phone. Says he is going to grab a bite, asks if you’d like something.

You get the idea. It doesn’t mean this is a bad person. But if this kind of routine happens a lot, we have a problem. Chances are it will not impact you much. But it sure as hell isn’t going to enrich your work environment.

The flatterer

“You. Are. Amazing. Omg, how can you be this brilliant at this job?! I am just sooo lucky to have landed next to a genius of your caliber!”

Either the person dishing out these “compliments” is as thick as a brick, or they have a hidden agenda of sweet talking you into submission or something along those lines. Since your company is probably not in the business of hiring morons, the latter is most likely true.

It doesn’t spell well however you put it. Thinking you will not see through the cheap talk is actually kind of insulting. In this case, being polite will get you nowhere and it’s probably best to break the vicious circle of phony admiration. Just bluntly ask this person to stop with the nonsense. Jesus.

Wasn’t me

Admitting you were wrong is not some honorable chivalrous good deed from the past. You screw up, the mistake gets pointed out to you, you suck it up and admit the slip up, we carry on with business as usual. Arguably, this will earn you extra respect from people whose opinion you actually should care about.

Insisting you did nothing wrong when the mistake was so obviously yours is just, well, stupid. We’ve all worked with people who never do anything wrong. Not ever. Not one single freakin’ thing. It was always someone else. Know someone like that? What can we say. Run Forest, ruuuuuun.

The colligus interruptus

Interrupt me once and I’ll be glad to help. Interrupt me twice, I won’t mind the least. Interrupt me one hundred and seventy seven times and I’ll know you’re both inconsiderate and incompetent.

We’ve all been there: when starting out on a new job, there are a million questions racing through one’s mind. Of course, a new addition to your team needs help. But somewhere in that head a “being this clueless must not be normal” light should have gone off by this point. If utterly lost, they should have reached out to their respective team lead, department lead or the HR person that hired them, because there is obviously something wrong with the onboarding process. What they should not do is sabotage the regular work habits of people in their immediate vicinity. It’s a question of good manners as well.

Social dynamics is hard. But finding the thread of one’s thoughts after being interrupted for a millionth time is harder.

The judge

Whatever the current problem, this person will insist someone else screwed up somewhere in our company's collective past.

“If only our legacy code wasn’t written so incompetently, I would solve this thing in a heartbeat.”
“Look at the task mess this former employee left in the project management tool.”
“I’ve just spent my entire morning looking for a file because of the shitty folder structure of our company's data storage thing.”

Although some of these claims will undoubtedly be true, it won’t take long for you to spot a Judge. Another sign you’re up against one: abnormal time consumption at very simple tasks. Because it’s someone else’s fault. Right.

The everlasting genius

Have you ever sat across from someone who has this brilliant, unique, useful, monetizable idea for a project? This person is, of course, “still working on it”, the thing is not ready yet, but once it is out, it will blow everyone out of the water. It will make one hundred billion dollars. You are not entitled to know the details because naturally you’d go and steal it right away, but you just wait and see!

It is good to be ambitious and great to dream big. But this trait is not so much annoying as it is a sign of having illusions of grandeur and not being in touch with the job at hand. When a colleague is bombarding you with these claims over and over again, they’re taking you for a fool in more than one way. If the everlasting geniuses were serious about it, there would be something to show for by now. Don’t talk the talk if you can’t walk the walk.

Still, don’t be too harsh

Of course there are many more where these bad traits come from. Some examples I’ve exaggerated a bit for clarity’s sake. Once adjusted for intensity, you might recognize yourself in some of these. I know I did.

So I keep doing my best to be Human and show some leeway toward colleagues. Sometimes changing desks or rooms is enough, because not everyone is a fit with everyone else. Just make sure you are not the one suffering ‘cause of trying to be nice.

MATKO STANKOVIĆ